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“Ummmm, Why do You Talk so White?”
I was speaking recently to a group of Sociology students at Camden County Community College when a young Black student from Voorhees explained the ridicule she received one summer when her father forced her to spend some time with relatives in Philadelphia. After listening to me describe situations that I wrote about in my book, Color Blind ~ A Mixed Girl’s Perspective on Biracial Life, this beautiful, young woman raised her hand to relay to the class an incident that she experienced wherein a group of monoracial Black kids in Philly asked her why she sounded so White when she spoke.
Looking around the room at the mixed crowd of students, I couldn’t help but giggle as I recalled the number of times that I too was told by both Blacks and Whites that I didn’t sound like their image of how blackness was supposed to sound. From Black people I would get, “Ummmm, why do you talk so white?” From Whites, I got, “Wow, you are so well spoken!” Think there’s a difference in these two exclamations? Try being the only mixed kid on the block being told by both members of your racial gene pool that you you don’t fit the image they have grown to accept as Black and White respectively.
The “well spoken” statement is the not-so-hidden way that White people refer to Black people who are, in most cases, the “exceptional black” person: excelling in ways that remove them from the set expectations and roles assigned to most Black people by Whites. Most Black people think that only White people can express this kind of hidden racism but to mixed people like me, Black people are just as guilty of this form of racism when they make comments that try to assign race to the way that I speak.
In my opinion, speaking proper English is a cultural thing. You learn how to speak and the words to use from the community in which you are raised. Take for example a mixed kid who is born and raised in a White neighborhood. Let this same kid go into their Black community and BOOM…they are accused of sounding/acting White. Now take that same mixed kid and for arguments sake, let’s say that he is raised in an urban setting where proper English may not be the coolest language to enunciate and BOOM… you get a mixed kid who goes into a White neighborhood and is accused of trying to act black.
It’s only when this mixed kid has transcended race altogether, has not let other people’s ideas and notions of race and misconceptions of culture alter his sense of biracial identity, and is comfortable going back and forth between both cultures and neighborhoods that he is challenged by members of his Black and White communities. At this level or stage in his transcendence, he has superceded any set expectation or limitation of what it means to be biracial. Black’s feel a need to claim this mixed kid and White’s feel a need to showcase his whiteness by constantly pointing out what little displays of blackness he truly exhibits.
In the end, the mixed kid who has transcended race altogether ends up forgiving the ignorance of both communities that at some time or another denied them entry. In the end, forgiveness is all you have in order to move to acceptance and understanding.
So what do you think? How many times have you been accused of “Talking White?” Do you Associate color with Culture?
Tiffany, although my parents are from two different continents, Europe & Asia, I consider myself from a Mediterranean culture.
One of my godchildren is Italian/Black from Chicago. He’s a great kid, period. Lately though, as he gets into his later teens, we’ve noticed him trying to fit in with the neighborhood kids. His area is predominantly Black.
Here’s the thing… why is it always “sounding and acting Black or White?” What about the Latino’s and those from Asia? How come no one ever has a problem with the Japanese or Chinese when they “sound white?”
I believe this attitude does a disservice because it’s like a stigma to be educated. After all, isn’t that what the argument is? “You sound educated, you sound white.” I never hear this argument from the Oriental cultures as they learn the English language.
Thank you for the article Tiffany. I think this is an important topic that may hold back some young Blacks if they feel they shouldn’t “act White.” Unfortunately it may cost them job opportunities.
Hello William. Thanks for sharing a little bit of your story with our readers. It’s interesting that you mention the fact that we don’t necessarily hear other cultures insinuating that members of their culture are trying to act or sound a certain way when they choose to use certain grammar or dialect. I believe that this area should be explored more.
I am a woman of pvgiilere, as is my husband and my two children. I am white, my husband is Black, and my two children are bi-racial. I grew up much like you, and I am raising two Bi-racial boys in America today, who are growing up much the same way, with pvgiilere. But what happens when they encounter ugliness? And, racism is ugliness. How can I protect them, they are my kids! Do we, as parents, worry too much about race? My oldest told me Mom, everyone is brown in school, why are you so stressed? He’s right, we live in San Diego County, but, not everyone here has pvgiilere. But we do. I think that we have to prepare our kids to know that there is ugliness in the world, but that we do not have to let that ugliness in, if we choose not to. And, know too, that it is the right of every good parent to worry and stress over their children, regardless of color, pvgiilere and race. As long as we do out best at the time, it will be good. And I do worry, although it does not consume me. Right now, I just love my family and work on instilling in them self-esteem and the knowledge that they are special. I think adults worry much more than kids. Answer questions honestly and sincerely. Teach and educate. Have multi-racial friends and family, and enjoy life. Kids will see this, and incorporate it into their own life as they become adults. And always respect one another and play honestly.
Tiffany, related to your “talking white” experiences, add this one.
A few years back, based partly on my reputation and partly because I’m Latino, I was invited sight-unseen to be the luncheon speaker at an educational conference. When I arrived and the inviter took one look at me with my light, hazel-eyed looks, he couldn’t restrain himself and said, with disappointment, “Oh, we were hoping for someone darker.” As this wasn’t my first encounter with lookism, I gave my stock answer, “This year I’m working on younger. Next year I’ll work on darker.”
Posted by Carlos
David Douglas • Tiffany, your article is wonderful on so many levels! The way we speak is a huge factor in how we are “judged” by others — it ranks with appearance. Multicultural and/or multilingual people often find themselves changing the way they speak depending on the group situation, and they may not ever quite “fit in”.
Tiffany Rae Reid • Thank you David! I absolutely agree! Now if only we can get parents raising biracial children, educators impacting children’s lives in the classroom and everyone else to acknowledge that we judge people…we’d be so much further ahead!! Accepting the fact that we judge people by their color, appearance and way that they talk is just the first step…the dialogue about “why” is the next…
Karen Taylor, PHR • Tiffany excellent article! I too have been accused of “talking white”. I completely agree that we are all a product of our environments as I know I am. I spent my most formidable years growing up in a middle class mostly white neighborhood. After starting my family I looked to settle in a neighborhood similar to what I was accustom to growing up. As a result my kids who are now young adults faced similar comments from both whites and blacks. And the cycle continues. Thanks for sharing your perspective.
CB Jackson • Very well written!! And I myself have been accused of “Acting White” in the past……
Thank you for exposing this flaw in people’s thinking!
☀Gerard Hutchinson☀ • Great article Tiffany!! I shared it with my network and got a positive response. I’ve always been confused how to react to the charges of “talking/acting white” or “you are so articulate.” Mostly I feel a bit sorry for the person making the charge. It is evidence they will never “get it.”
Dave Chapelle described it as being able to speak “street” and “job interview.” — Inside The Actors Studio
Yvette Yescas • I recently heard an episode of The Moth titled “Walk the Line: Stories of Balancing Acts.” It includes a great story of a biracial woman coming to grips with the idea that she could walk the line rather than feel burdened by the notions of that’s black and that’s white. I highly recommend it.
Tiffany Rae Reid • Thank you all! I am so glad you are finding resonance with the article. I firmly believe that by confronting these instances of ignorance, we can create opportunities to teach love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness. Yvette, where can I find The Moth episode you refer to?
Nikki C. • Tiffany, great article and wonderful feedback from others. I recall years ago that I was training a series of communication and public speaking courses in south Georgia and an older white man told me at the break, “You are so articulate for a colored girl. We don’t get that much here in these parts.” His statement underscores how limited one’s thinking and perspective may be if it is not challenged to go beyond one’s comfort level. Again, thank you for sharing the article Tiffany.
Tiffany Rae Reid • So I’m reading the Multiracial Child Resource Book and found this wonderful, totally applicable paragraph written by Heather Dalmage, Ph.D that I want to share with you:
“On all sides, border patrollers, or the race police, believe that the color line is static and immutable, and thus they think they can distinguish between “us” and “them.” Border patrollers claim that race is a simple concept, demand that others comply, and make their presence felt through various actions. The most common action, by far, is the stare. Other forms of border patrolling include probing and inapporpriate questions. “What are you?” is one of the most common questions faced by multiracial people. Many times, however, people will not ask; instead they begin to label a multiracial person. A friend of mine once told me that cab drivers assume she is whatever they are. Because border patrollers think they can determine “authentic” behaviors they also think they have the right to grant or withhold acceptance. Even when acceptance is not granted, individuals are expected to act in ways deemed appropriate; to do otherwise will provoke further patrolling”….
This is soooo on point! What do you think?
As Tiffany says, people do judge. I am laughing actually, because I think that many of us have been the recipients of this in one or or another when we fail to fit the mold.
In my case, also for how I speak, by failing to have any particular (or having multiple) accent(s) due to having been raised in a number of cultures as well as geographic regions.
In younger years (when I cared more), I loathed that “What are you” question. In those days, there was already enough there to make one feel freakish. Then (like Carlos mentions doing above), I decided to have some fun with it, not only by observing the confusion looks, but also with some of my own stock answers that I developed, such as “Human!”
Posted by Sylvia
I once epnerimexted with the idea of trying to pass of as someone of Indian/Pakistani decent and even ventured into dating a girl from that community, thing became ugly when I had to meet the family. In travelling the world, again I was confronted with this issue and a kid on a bus in London could not and would not accept that I am South African because of the texture of my hair (regardless of the fact that my skin colour is light texture of mid-night, but no less). I married a woman from my community and in another country she?d be classified as white or at the very least Mediterranean, hardly yellow. Our daughter was born around Sept 06 and Iqra (we?re both practicing Muslim, add that to the whole mix why dontcha?) looks oh so Malaysian (with the most preciously beautiful slant eyes ? is that derogatory? If it is please forgive me I hardly mean it that way when she smiles you can hardly see if her eyes are open and it glows my heart all the time). My wife?s seven months pregnant again and I am so excited to see what beautiful gift God has waiting . So see me and my family walking down the street and wonder what race we are? Quite frankly I don?t care, I Muslim, I?m human, I?m AfriCAN, I?m South AfriCAN, I?m black but the most important thing is I?m happy and I?m proud and these are the values I want my kids to have as they grow up. Confronting race is like confronting anything in life you do it with a smile and humility and respect and all those other positive values we want our kids to have.Today I?m reading a book about the rise and fall of White Afrikaner Nationalism in an attempt to confront why my people had to endure what we did, to reconcile the fact that not all white people are inherently evil and sadistic. I find that this sort of thing helps to bring closure for me, it helps to heal some of the scars and wounds that I see black people and more importantly people in general walk around with. Because I realise that racism when inflicted affects not only those who receive but worse so those who act out. It?s hard and it?s tough, because it still exists today, but I believe the key is to do it and continue to do it.A man sat in prison for 27 years he was branded a terrorist by not only his oppressors at home, but those from the ?free world? and as he walks out of the gates that kept him from his life but from important things like the burial of his son, he tells me to forgive them. I was around 19 at the time, I was filled with hatred and a need, a desire to pick up my AK47 and ?fight the power? as it were. But I looked in his eyes that day (go look up old footage, you?ll see it I swear. He has a smile in his eyes much like the one I was telling you about that my baby has) and I knew just then that I had to listen to him, because if I didn?t, my country would have been just another AfriCANT country. Today South AfriCA is indeed blossoming with so much hope and prosperity it makes me come alive.I know that I can never truly be healed and I doubt whether my baby will be either and I also know that he knew that too when he told me to forgive them, but I believe by the grace and beauty of God that surely one day it will end.Thank you for reading my 2 cents worth of banter.
Tiffany,
Thank you for the article Why Do You Sound So White?
You continue to inspire me on this and other multiracial person issues. In fact, this past Saturday I started reading a children’s book by my friend Sundee Frazier entitled The Other Half of My Heart about bi-racial twin girls that is fascinating. She also wrote Brenden Buckley’s Universe and Everything In It which got a Corretta Scott King Award which is also a children’s book on being bi-racial.
Burel Ford ·Academic Advisor at Texas State University